By
Susan Renee

My old college friends decided we need to take a group cruise, significant others included.

There’s just one small hiccup…I’m woefully single.

I ask a friend to come with me to pose as my boyfriend, but he backs out on me at the last minute. What’s a girl to do on a cruise as a single person?

Wait…what?

It’s a lover’s cruise?

Oooh ship!

No way am I spending the week with my friends as the only single in the group. I’ve got to find myself a hot, fake boyfriend, or better yet, a fake fiancé for the week. It can’t be that hard. There have to be plenty of single men on the ship. One of them is bound to say yes. I’ll just board the ship as early as possible and hope I bump into someone worthy.

Okay, yeah. This could work. It’ll either be a genius move…

Or a total ship show.

Adrienne and some of her old college friends are going on a cruise, since they all have partners she decides to have a friend be her significant other. However, her friend has a new love interest and can’t in good conscience go on the cruise with her and cancels. Now she wonders if she can find a replacement…

Aris lives on the west coast, his family on the east coast, so he’s been telling a little white lie for over a year. They think he has a serious girlfriend, he doesn’t.

The way Adrienne and Aris meet is hilarious, although they don’t actually introduce themselves at that point. They haven’t even reached the cruise ship yet.

Once on board, Adrienne heads to a bar for a drink before meeting up with her friends. It here that she meets Aris again. It just so happens that Adrienne’s ex is aboard this cruise as well, with one of the friends she’s meeting up with on this cruise.

Aris makes the most of this opportunity as he saves her from embarrassment, but he announces she’s his fiancée for good measure. This is going to work out in his favor as he convinces her to be his girl when he’s with his family.

This is a fun book, with excursions onto islands, fun encounters, the scavenger hunt, romance, sizzle and so much more.

5 Contented Purrs for Susan!

Excerpt
Copyright 2022 @Susan Renee

“Okay, I lied, alright? Yes. I’m a single girl on this lovey-dovey cruise because my wingman of a friend back home fell in love with some girl and thought it uncouth to come away with me for a week. I mean, can you even imagine the nerve of him?” I scoff trying to play off the fact I’m a single loser on a love cruise.

Hottie McBlue-eyes shakes his head as if I’m telling the most unbelievable tale. “Wait, your male best friend is your wingman? What kind of asshole is the wingman for his female friend but falls in love with some other girl instead of the one right here in front of him? Isn’t that like… a classic romantic comedy story in the making?”

Maybe it’s the Corona, but I immediately feel my cheeks blush. “Okay, first of all, I’m going to take that as a compliment, so thank you very much. And secondly, ew no. Joaquin and I have only ever been Hottie McBlue-eyes chokes on his sip and coughs a few times. I almost ask him if he’s alright when he puts his hand up and nods, taking a second drink. Why do people do that, by the way? Choke on a sip of liquid and to combat the choked-on liquid, they drink more liquid? WTF?

“Stranger things have definitely happened, I’m sure.”I offer my hand to my airport friend. “I’m Adrienne, by the way. I don’t think I ever told you that and while referring to me as Dildo Girl is pretty damn funny, I figured after holding my pink sparkly dick in your hands, you deserve to know my name.”

Laughing, he takes his hand in mine. “Pleasure to meet you, Adrienne. That’s a beautiful name by the way. I’m Aris McElfry.”

McElfry?

So, I wasn’t too far away with Hottie McBlue-eyes.

“Nice to meet you Aris.”

We each finish our first bottle of Corona quickly and ask for a second from Malachi before continuing our conversation.

“So, Aris McElfry, I didn’t see you on the plane with anyone either. Are you telling me you’re also here alone?”

“Well, as a matter of fact—”

“Shit. It can’t be.”

What is he doing here?

“What?” Aris watches me, alarmed by my outburst.

I plaster a neutral smile on my face and murmur through my teeth.

“Shit. Shit. Shit.”

Are they seriously together?

My heart beats faster inside my chest and there’s a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach.

“What? What’s wrong?”

I slowly turn toward Aris and give him the biggest puppy dog eyes I can muster while speaking as softly and quickly as I can. “Look, I know you don’t really know me, and I don’t know you, but you were kind enough to hold my dick in your hands and that has to say something for the kind of man you are, right? So, if you would be willing to do me one more hella-huge favor I would be in your debt for like… my whole life… or this whole cruise… whichever comes first and right now my whole life could come first and anyway I promise to leave you alone after this and—”

“Anything,” he interrupts, whispering to me, holding my gaze. “Name it.”

“Oh, God.” I gulp down my fear and my pride and swiftly blurt out my request with a shaky voice. “I need a boyfriend. Like, right here. Right fucking now. Because the man walking toward us in the yellow Hawaiian shirt is my fucking ex and I had no idea he was going to be here, and I am now horrified that I might have to spend this entire trip with him gloating that I’m here alone and he’s obviously not. And to add fuel to that already burning inferno the girl with him is one of my friends and I had no idea the two of them were a thing and now if I have to tell him I’m alone I may as well walk off this fucking ship right fucking n—”

Before I can even finish my sentence, Aris’s arm slides around my waist and he pulls me into his chest. “Stop talking. I get it,” he whispers against my mouth. Gently, he slides his hand through my hair, cupping the back of my head pulling me toward him, our foreheads connected. “I’m going to kiss you alright? Like, really fucking kiss you so that douche sees that you belong to someone else. Smile at me and tell me quick, is that okay?”

I don’t have to force a smile. His words alone just made one spring to my lips.

“Mmm hmm.”

His mouth meets mine in a tender but swift kiss. Gentle enough that I nearly go weak in the knees, and just long enough to feel the tip of his tongue graze my lips. Oh, God this is a kiss I could easily sink myself into. I can only imagine what these lips can do, and those thoughts travel right down to places in me I shouldn’t even be thinking about right now. Aris finally pulls back, takes my hand, squeezing it gently, and murmurs sweetly in my ear as if that kiss had been planned for hours, “Relax. I’ve got you.”

Okay. A little unexpected.

No, a lot unexpected.

Buuuut well played Mr. Hottie McBlue-eyes.
Susan Renee. Total Ship Show (Kindle Locations 403-449).

Susan Renee wants to live in a world where paint doesn’t smell, Hogwarts is open twenty-four/seven, and everything is covered in glitter. An indie romance author, Susan has written about everything from tacos to tow-trucks, loves writing romantic comedies but also enjoys creating an emotional angsty story from time to time. She lives in Ohio with her husband, kids, two dogs and a cat. Susan holds a Bachelor and Masters Degree in Music Education and a self-awarded Doctorate in Sass and Sarcasm. She enjoys laughing at memes, speaking in GIFs and spending an entire day jumping down the TikTok rabbit hole. When she’s not writing or playing the role of Mom, her favorite activity is doing the Care Bear stare with her closest friends.

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